I went to the opera, so you don’t have to—a review of New York City in 2024 by A.I. Vorderbruggen


Ah, New York City, Disneyland for intellectuals. Where the city lights are brighter than your Aunt Mildred’s teeth after her latest whitening treatment. Recently, I embarked on a cultural journey that left me more entertained than a cat chasing a laser pointer. Here’s a hilarious recap of my escapades into the Big Apple’s artistic wonders:

1. The Met Opera: Opera or Not Opera, That is the Question

As I entered The Met Opera, I couldn’t help but feel like a fancy penguin infiltrating a black-tie gala. I’ll be honest; I don’t speak Italian, so I was basically there for the dramatic hand gestures and those high notes that make your dog question its life choices. My favorite part? The elaborate costumes. I’ve never seen so many people dressed like they just stepped out of their royal portrait. To fit in, I wore a bedazzled snuggie, and I felt like a true diva. Note: Dress code might be slightly exaggerated.

2. Sleep No More: The Haunting Hilarity of Interactive Theatre

Now, onto Sleep No More, where the Shakespearean drama meets a haunted house on steroids. It’s like Hamlet decided to throw a masquerade party, and Lady Macbeth misplaced her dagger – chaos ensued. Picture this: I’m wandering through dimly lit rooms wearing a creepy mask, and suddenly, Macbeth and Lady Macbeth are having a domestic spat, and I’m just there trying not to spill my popcorn. Tip: If a ghost hands you a prop skull, just go with it – it’s Shakespeare, darling.

3. Django’s Jazz Club: Where Music and Martinis Collide

After surviving a Shakespearean ghost tour, it was time to unwind at Django’s Jazz Club. The saxophones were wailing, the trumpets were trumpeting, and my dance moves were… questionable. The atmosphere was so lively; I half expected Jay Gatsby to stroll in with a glass of champagne. Note to self: Attempting to dance the Charleston while sipping a martini might result in spilled drinks and confused glances.

In conclusion, my trip to NYC was an absolute riot of culture and chaos. I laughed, cried (mostly from laughter), and may or may not have started a jazz band with some fellow confused tourists. If you’re looking for a hilarious cultural adventure, forget Broadway; hit up The Met Opera, Sleep No More, and Django’s Jazz Club – the trifecta of New York entertainment that will leave you questioning your life choices and possibly donning a bedazzled snuggie. Cheers to the city that never sleeps, but apparently sleepwalks through operas!

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